A New Beginning

Cassidy's first car ride

Cassidy’s first car ride

Dear Cassidy,

Today friends of ours had their first baby. Congratulations to the Ralston family! All day long I checked updates on facebook to see how things were going and I waited for pictures of their new baby girl. I think it was the second that I saw the picture of their precious baby that I went back in time to July 19, 2007.

I can’t remember yesterday. Sometimes I don’t even remember today. I put the milk away in the cupboard from time to time and I put the cereal away in the fridge. I can’t recall half of the movies that I’ve watched until I check with Brian for some striking moments. I forget almost everything but July 19, 2007 is etched in my mind forever.

It’s funny when you think about it. I get to the grocery store prepared to buy three specific items and as soon as I walk into the store I have no idea what I need…. but ask me a detail from a day almost six years ago and I can talk for hours and hours recounting them all.

So as I went back in time I started thinking about some letters that I had written to you. I couldn’t remember where I put them… imagine that! As the day went on I searched a little here and a little there and I found one of the letters that I wrote on September 23, 2011.

Cassidy, I wrote this letter to you one day as I sat in my car. It was written on a piece of scratch paper with scribbles over words I misspelled or misused. I figured some day I would compile all of my letters to you and your brother. I could give them to you when you were older or when you were in need.  I poured my heart out that day in that letter because like today I was reminded of how special and what a miracle my babies are.

Cassidy,

My big girl, four already. I can still remember the day you were born and I cried the moment that I held you. I cried with such passion and unconditional love for you that my body was shaking and all that came out of my mouth were deep sobs. The doctor and nurses asked if I was alright because I wept so uncontrollably. You will always be my first baby and that is truly something special.

You are such a smart girl. You amaze me every day with new words or things that you have learned. Everything that you say or ask reminds me of how brilliant you really are. I see every dream coming true when I look into your shining eyes.

You are my mini me! You help me with everything. You set the table, help me cook, help me clean… You really are my very special helper. You are also a mini momma for Jacob. You teach him things every day. You always have an eye on him. You just have this instinct of how to care for others that makes me so proud.

You have the greatest heart. You love and care about your family and friends and even your neighbors. You pray each night for all of them and I think that you genuinely want to help anyone in need.

Sometimes we fight but you always remind me that I can’t stay mad for too long. You are so sweet when you apologize. I hate being mad at you and more than that, I hate seeing tears in your eyes.

You are my curious little angel. You ask questions non-stop. I wish I always had the answers or the patience. You teach me something new each day and you make me a better person without even trying.

You like routines and struggle when I rush you. You like to know how and when and why before doing anything. I know you will do amazing things someday. I know that you will change the world someday. It is indescribably how much love I have for you and always will. You are so special and I love you unconditionally, baby bear.

Love, Momma

 

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