Yoga Pants

Dear Ladies,

I envy the ability that some of you have to wear Yoga pants comfortably. To clarify, yes Yoga pants are comfortable to put on. They are soft and in general, feel good on your body. However, it is my body that doesn’t feel good in them. I see women wear these pants everywhere and I would say that ninety percent look like they belong in those Yoga pants.

I am the ten percent. From the moment I put them on… scratch that, from the moment I see them on the hanger in the store, I feel uncomfortable. Why can’t I be more like the ninety percent? Why do I look in the mirror and see such horrors? Brian always says he sees something different from me. He loves how I look but somehow I believe that he is obviously vision impaired.

I look at women that wear these pants proud and I am so jealous. I want what you have. I want to get dressed in the morning and feel like “I look incredible” instead of “at least I showered today.” I don’t think I feel this way because I am a mom. Most people think it is a mom thing. ” I gave up on myself after I had children.” Nope that’s not it. I haven’t given up…I just never had it.

I never wanted to spend time putting on make up. I never wanted to read fashion magazines and stay in touch with the latest trends. If shoes were uncomfortable then they weren’t for me. If I had to hold my breath just to put my pants on then I’d say forget it. I never was fond of dressing myself up at the cost of comfort and now even the comfort is uncomfortable.

This is an irrational feeling that I have. I know that I am a good looking woman. I am certainly not full of myself but I can look in the mirror and not cry at what I see. I am blessed with an ok body. I have long and thick hair and I’d say overall many would think that I am pretty. The trouble is that each and every day I second guess myself.

I will try on ten things before I settle on the first thing. I feel uncomfortable in all of it and I hate that skinny jeans are so damn skinny. Why aren’t sweat pants the newest fad? If they were, I’d for once be in style! I look in the mirror and can find something wrong with almost everything that I put on. It isn’t the clothes. It’s me.

Ladies, how do you do it? I see strong, intelligent women walking around day after day like they own the body they are in. Your heads are high and your shoulders are back and you command respect while looking amazing. I want to know how to do that! I want to walk into my closet and throw on any old thing and walk out the door like I’m a super star!

It’s not the clothes, it’s me. I get it! It isn’t what these women are putting on. It is all about their personality. Their comfort with their own body. They know how their skin fits and they wear it well. I am still trying to decide if my skin fits at all. How did I miss this step in growing up? Aren’t you supposed to go through an awkward faze in high school? Why am I going through it still at thirty-four?

When I filled out my new hire paperwork this past week I asked what should I wear for work. I was told black pants or shorts… but most girls wear Yoga pants. I should have said, “well, I haven’t been a girl in many years, so I guess Yoga pants aren’t for this lady. That’s not what I said. I graciously left and suffered mental torment over the thought of having to display my large rear package in a pair of Yoga pants.

I went out and shopped for the pants and suffered even more mental torment. I had to try them on in the dressing room with giant mirrors. I don’t need an extra large piece of glass to see my extra large piece of ……   Anyway, I bought the pants and I wore them tonight. I tried so hard to pay attention to what was going on around me instead of what was behind me. It was hard.

I have already vowed to come up with some other pant options for work. I may add the Yoga pants into the rotation from time to time but I am just not ready for a full time spot. I have got to figure out how to be happy with how I look first. I have got to figure out how to be comfortable with me first. I have got to get it together and realize that I look good and anyone looking at me is thinking the same thing.

Ladies, I am not sure how or why I became so insecure but I am. That said, I am working on it. I am going to wear the Yoga pants again. Not all the time, but I will try. As for you ladies that are already so confident…. I am so inspired and amazed by you. You know who you are… Of course you do! You are my goal. I want to be confident like you and I want to own my skin. I want to own my look. I am going to own it….. someday. Until then, thanks for reminding me that it is possible!

Love, Cherise


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