Waiting For My Rainbow

Dear God,

Once again I am wiping the dust off of my computer after a long break from writing anything. As I am sure you know, life has once again gotten in the way of my plans. Silly me for planning at all. It has been a hectic couple of weeks and work has been slower than slow. As you also know, I have tried to remain positive even in the face of everything that is going on around me. With that said, I’ve  had a couple of melt downs and survived so I guess things are looking up.

The real reason that I write tonight is to say thank you. Thank you!

My morning started off like a typical day here. I had just pulled the stuffed french toast out of the oven that I reheated for the kids. Cassidy saw the bottle of syrup on the table and said “Are we having just regular syrup?” because I have been making a brown sugar and apple compote lately with french toast. How dare I serve just syrup with a quickly reheated french toast. Over achieve once and you are never aloud to do the norm again.

So, I continue…. breakfast was tense, the kids were cranky and so was I. My cup of clarity was barely enough to get me moving let alone give me a pep in my step. I rush around and get the kids ready for church, and we are off.

I’m not sure why I am telling this whole story to you, as you were probably up there watching it on some big screen, but I promise I will get to the point.

In church today, the message was about being thankful. Now we are often told to be thankful for the good things in our lives. This task is easy for most. Who wouldn’t be thankful for wonderful blessings? No, today was about being thankful for the past, and maybe even the present things that are not so great.

Today, I listened and was able to see things in a different perspective. Sometimes things suck. It’s the truth for all of us mere mortals. Life has a way of beating us up and then kicking us again while we are down. But today, I was encouraged to be thankful for the things that suck because they will inevitably lead me on a path to something else that is better.

It is true. I have thought about some of the times in my life that I thought were the worst times ever. When I was in those moments, I thought that there was nothing good that could come of these situations and that I was destined for doom. Well the tough times ended and the rainbows appeared. Things did get better.

Sure, forgetting some of the terrible stuff that happens to us in life is not easy. In fact it is almost impossible, but I never really stopped to think that if my life hadn’t happened just the way that it did, I may have missed out on some of the blessings that I am so thankful for today.

In September of 2006, I was pregnant with my first baby. I wasn’t very far along when I miscarried. There is no words to describe the hurt and pain that came from this event in my life. In the moment I would never have thought that something good could or ever would come out of it.

It wasn’t until today that I even thought that I should be thankful that it did happen that way. I had a friend miscarry a while after me. I feel like because I had gone through the experience first, that I was able to be more supportive and understanding. I feel like she had someone to lean on because I had suffered the same loss.

Don’t get me wrong, it still makes me sad today. I’m typing through tears and swallowing hard right now, but I think of how far I’ve come since then and I can see the good.

After I had Jacob, I returned to work right away. I mean ten days later. I know I was crazy, but we needed the money. It wasn’t until a few months later that I dislocated my knee and was then off my feet and out of work for three months. At the time I was depressed and cried about how we couldn’t afford for me to not work that long. I begged the doctor to release me to work and I begged work to let me come in.

It wasn’t until later that I realized that without that time off, I would have missed out on so much with Jacob. I spent Cassidy’s first year pretty much at her side and I was about to give that up with Jacob. Being off of work with an injury was terrible for our wallets but it was the best thing for my baby boy. I can say thank you for that one for sure!

I really do have a lot to be thankful for. I’m thankful that I have a job to complain about. I hate it most days and the money isn’t so good but I am so lucky to have work.

I am thankful to have children that complain. So many parents suffer the loss of a child and I have Cassidy and Jacob.  They keep me on my toes and I keep getting better and better at being a mom. I’m lucky to have them complain each and every day.

I am thankful to have an imperfect marriage with a perfect husband. We are not perfect in our own rights but we are perfect for each other. We do fight and we do have plenty of ups and downs but I am so thankful for the lessons that each bump teaches us. I am lucky to have an imperfect marriage that keeps getting better every day.

I am infinitely thankful for all of the blessings around me. I am thankful for the good and the bad. I do pray that the tough times blow on through and make way for another rainbow, but until them I am going to be thankful for all that I have!

Love, Cherise

2 thoughts on “Waiting For My Rainbow

  1. Congratulations on understand these very powerful lessons. The lessons are a sometimes un welcomed gift. My life has had its trials and tribulations, and with each one I’ve received the blessing of intergrowth and strength. I love you my darling keep on keeping on! :0)

    • Cindy, thank you for reading! I really am learning a lesson a day. It seems like the tough times truly do strengthen you for a reason. I’m happy to see what my next chapter will be! Love you!

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