On the eve of my eight year wedding anniversary I am learning yet another lesson of being married. I’m not sure how this lesson hasn’t dawned on me prior to this coming anniversary, but none the less, it is eye opening. As I plan for a wonderful dinner out with my husband tomorrow night, we are finding that there are more obstacles than ever. Between overtime, and the kids starting school the next day it just isn’t panning out to be the romantic anniversary that I would have envisioned.
That is where the lesson comes in. The anniversary that I had envisioned is so different than that of my husband. I asked Brian if I could pick up some gift cards for a restaurant for our dinner tomorrow and if so where would he like. He said matter of factually that it doesn’t matter because it is way more important to me than to him.
Now that may seem harsh, but it is actually true. I would recreate my entire wedding day every single year until death do we part… and Brian would suffice with a card and maybe a nice breakfast. I have worn my wedding dress every year on our anniversary just so that I could feel that memory again. Brian has dressed up as well, but only for me. Never once has he woken up in the past eight years of marriage and thought… hmm today would be a great day to put on a suit and sweat in the hot September weather just to remember that I got married eight years ago.
I understand that about him, and I am sure that many guys are the same. Maybe it isn’t as big a deal to him that we get dressed up and go out but it is to me. So where do we find the middle ground so that both of us are happy? It is in fact his anniversary as well as mine.
I’m sure that many of you that are married would attest that when planning your own wedding, it usually was all about the bride. I feel like it is rare for the man to take part in most of the planning process. Every now and then it happens but for the most part it is the bride. It is a day that she has pictured since before she could remember. It is all about the happily ever after.
Sometimes we go a little overboard but for myself, I pictured that day as a once ever kind of day. I was in this thing for the long haul of forever so every special detail that I could think of was included. Maybe that is why the anniversary has to be so special for me. I feel like putting on that dress again takes me right back to walking down the isle with all of my family and friends watching with teary eyes.
I am immediately brought back to a snip it of my life that lasted for maybe twenty minutes and the only two people who mattered where Brian and I. My voice shook and trembled as I said my vows and tears filled my eyes as the words left my tongue. It was as if every word was put together in the deepest part of my heart and soul and they were completed just as I let them escape my mouth. Everything that I said that day, I meant and will mean for the rest of my life…. So yes, putting on my dress one more time floods my heart with all of the emotions of that very moment for me.
For Brian, and most men, the thought process is a little different. They don’t necessarily need the instant replay, unless we are talking sports. Brian said his vows and he meant all of them as well. From time to time he tells me how lucky he is to have me and I know that he is still in love with me, but he doesn’t need to relive that moment to prove it.
I think that for Brian, the proof of our long standing relationship is in the day to day. It is the simple things that we do each day for or with each other that count. Standing on a stage and announcing to friends and family that he loves me is great…. but, he’d rather just whisper it in my ear.
I think that it is so easy to get caught up in what makes the day for me that I sometimes forget that it is also about Brian. That is why we both said “I do”. Honestly, they should probably change it to “we do”, because once you say it, there is no longer “I”.
Maybe this year we will do something different. Maybe we can make it a “we do” celebration of our love and both of us can be happy with it. Maybe I’ll put on my wedding dress and he can wear shorts and a t-shirt and we can dine at eat n park with the kids. No matter where we end up or what we end up doing I know for sure that the important part is our continuing, growing and ever changing love for each other. It is that, that we are actually celebrating.