I actually wrote this post prior to Christmas, but my life was a little bit hectic for a few weeks and I hadn’t had the time to finish or proof it. Tonight’s the night!
I just talked on the phone for two hours and fourteen minutes. Not only is that a record, but for those younger readers out there, it is like texting for four and a half hours straight with just one person. Crazy, I know… but even crazier is the first thought that came to my mind when I was hanging up.
The thought wasn’t, “Wow, that was a great conversation!”
The thought wasn’t, “Holy Crap! I just talked on a phone for how long?”
The thought definitely wasn’t, “Spending two hours on the phone has relaxed me and made me feel rejuvenated.”
It also wasn’t, “Gee, I really enjoy talking to my sister. I’m glad we had this chat. I feel so full of sister love right now.”
The thought that came to me as I pressed End on my iphone was, “how could I have wasted two hours and fourteen minutes on the phone?”
Here are the answers to the likely questions….
Yes there was wine involved! I drank almost a whole bottle in a few hours and I’m sure that’s ok. Also, I was discussing some deep material with my sister, soooo….. a glass of wine, or two.. seemed appropriate.
Yes I enjoyed every minute of the conversation with my sister. This should have probably been listed first. I love talking with my sister and we could honestly go on forever. She is the person that NO MATTER WHAT, we are always there for each other. I won’t lie, she drives me nuts more often than not. I probably drive her nuts also. We have shared a room, we have shared dreams, we have shared hopes, we have shared lies, we have shared secrets, we have shared problems and we have shared triumphs. We share it all and we fight over ever bit of it, but our love is what keeps us together. So after all of that, yes the conversation was enjoyable!
So why on God’s green Earth, would I hang up a phone and think…”How could I have just wasted two hours?”
What is wrong with my desperate housewife, PTA member, Christmas party planner, Elf on the shelf mover, dinner cooker, bed time singer, laundry doer, holiday decorator, Christmas card maker, full time worker, etc, etc, etc… self, that I would think that a conversation that lasted for two hours was a waste of time?
What has been so ingrained in women today that they need to keep doing? I do and I do and I do and I do… and I am still the same. My home is still the same. All my pinterest pinning and my Christmas cookie baking isn’t changing anything. I do all of these things because I enjoy them, but it is sad how some things take the back burner.
Talking on the phone made me feel guilty. Is that even fair? Why should I feel this way?
I deserve a phone call here and there.
I deserve least of all, to be able to chit chat with my sis when I feel the need.
There is no reason why a two hour conversation shouldn’t or couldn’t happen with the sis. The trouble is that once I hang up, I end up in reality. The floor still needs vacuumed. I never unloaded the dishwasher. There are baskets of laundry to be folded and put away. I have to make lunches for tomorrow.
The list begins!
I dare speak on the phone for a hour or two and my damn brain makes me feel guilty. My guilt encompasses all of the things that I think I should have been doing either instead of or while I was talking on the phone.
I am a multitasker. I could have scrubbed a floor, or folded some clothes. There are things that I could have done while on the phone… And using the restroom twice doesn’t count. Don’t judge, remember, I was drinking wine!
I would multitask my life away if I could.
I think what makes me sad is that, I really enjoyed my conversation on the phone. It was like we were sitting together in my house and enjoying each other’s company. We talked about her problems and mine. We talked about all kind of things. It was a great conversation.
It should have ended with goodbye and I should have gone to bed. Instead, I wondered what I could’ve accomplished in the time that I was on the phone.
Most of the men that I know, do not struggle with this. They don’t think about the “should’ve dones”. They don’t think about a better way that they could have spent thier time.
They can do something enjoyable and then look back and say that was fun. They don’t say ” I should’ve done this, this and that while I was having fun.” They just have fun.
I’m jealous and envious of this trait. I actually need to learn it.
I guilt myself on a daily basis. I make lists to guilt myself even more. The list consume my every waking minute and when I’m done setting myself up for failure, I feel terrible for not accomplishing everything.
I don’t really do resolutions, but maybe 2014 should be a good enough reason to change this guilty behavior. It stinks not being able to just stop and relax without punishing myself.
I know so many other women, moms especially, that feel the same way. Maybe this year we can all learn to take a deep breath and relax. I’m going to try and cut myself some slack. At very least I’m going to try and enjoy the things that make me happy without feeling guilty.
Here’s to trying!