Strongly Agree, Agree, Don’t Know, Disagree, Strongly Disagree

Dear World,

Since my last post I have been feverishly searching for a new job that fits into my life without taking it over. I already have a family to take it over, so a job can only consume what I have left. Throughout my week or two search so far, I’ve spent much time taking tests. Yes, personality tests.

Apparently, for the kind of jobs that I am qualified, (jobs that require waiting on or serving impatient humans who have little or no respect for me) a personality test is in order. That and drug and criminal background checks. I guess its been a while since I’ve actually had to hunt for a job, but man have things changed. I don’t know if all jobs require these tests but all of the ones I have applied to do.

I’ve literally spent hours answering the same questions, reworded ten different ways in an effort to prove that I am a decent hire. I’ve had to answer hundreds of questions and waste hours of my time to prove that I am honest, hardworking, responsible, a team player, caring for others etc. So many questions to prove that I can scan your groceries or to serve a four top their salads. I know these are really important jobs, but come on.

Just a thought, but how bout an interview? Isn’t that the point of them anyway? Since when did the computer start the interview process? I guess it is sort of fitting since the computer is where I spent most of my time looking for jobs. No more newspapers, actually the paper is on the computer. It makes sense to a point but it is frustrating thinking that my answers to these questions can be the yes or no to getting called for an actual interview.

I can remember being a manager way back when I had no kids or gray hairs and plenty of time to do anything including think. It was long ago, but I interviewed people all the time. The moment someone handed in an application, in person that is, the interview started. A couple of quick questions to get a feel for the person. A first impression was so important. That is what decided if they would be scheduled for an actual interview.

Today, my first impression is if I strongly agree, agree, don’t know, disagree, or strongly disagree with a phrase that has been re-written twenty different ways over the course of seventy five questions. Well that should sum up who I really am!

I did actually get called back to come in for an interview, with real people, and I was surprised even more. I had a phone interview with more of the personality type questions. It was like they couldn’t fit these six more questions into the computer quiz so they print them out and ask them over the phone. Thankfully, I made it past this round and was asked to come in and actually speak in person with these so called real people.

Once again, a print out of specific personality questions. A few questions about situations, but all of it was on a printed form to be followed exactly. The interviewer literally, wrote down my answers in the blanks  next to her questions. When I made it past this person, I was introduced to two more real people that were actually in charge of the department that I would be working. The one that did the majority of the talking took out his forms and said to me right away, that this is what he has to read and ask so bear with him.

So humans aren’t aloud to read humans any more I guess. The print out should tell you if I am qualified. I ended up being offered a position, which I may or may not accept, but I laugh over the whole process. Just to screw with them, I should take the job and act like a nut, I mean more than I normally do. I should come in late and act crazy to guests, just do all of the things that I would never do. They can fire me and then look back at their quizzes to see where things went wrong.

I couldn’t really get myself fired but, it really has been eye opening. In my history of jobs I’ve just never experienced this. It’s like the computer has a formula for all of the answers that I give and it decides if I can be called or not. There is no margin for error. Maybe it saves the interviewer time, maybe it saves the company money, but after taking so many tests, I think I know how they work well enough to get called back. They aren’t hard, and even though they say be honest, you really have to answer they way they want you too. Just don’t strongly agree with the seventeen questions that ask if stealing is alright.

I’m still not sure where I’ll end up but I’m learning so much about today’s job hunt. If I don’t find what I’m looking for soon, maybe I can make up a personality quiz of my own.

1. Are you crazy?

2. Do you like to steal?

3. Do you work hard?

4. Do you work well with others?

5. How often do you lie?

Five questions that are direct and to the point. Yup, I should start selling my questionnaire to all companies. This is information that they are going to want to know before an interview! Finally, my big break!


2 thoughts on “Strongly Agree, Agree, Don’t Know, Disagree, Strongly Disagree

    • Thanks David! I sure hope my next move can be a better balance for sure. I appreciate the well wishes!

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