Ninety Year Old In Skinny Jeans

Iphone Pictures 704

Dear Tom,

Today I write to you. I thank you for subscribing to my blog. It makes me happy that you were willing to do it since you have made it clear how much you hate blogs. Something else that you said made me really think. You said that what I write will probably be about kids and family and all the things that you can’t relate to . Thanks for making me feel old little brother!

Well you are right. I do write about my kids and family because they are what surrounds me day in and day out. I do write about my life and being a few years older than you (I’m giving me the age benefit of the doubt here) I can understand why you do not relate. I have been thinking of ways to write in a way that would reach you. Sadly, I have come to the conclusion that I am old… Or at least older and so no mater how hard I try, my words will always come out tainted in my life experiences and they will be influenced by my world.

I can remember being in your world once. It was fun and carefree, although at the time, I felt like I had plenty to worry about. I am suddenly reminded of this world at my new job. I sling food and drinks to a college age crowd and I try to pretend that I belong there. I come in wearing my Yoga pants uniform, (although today I went with jeans) and I make sure I look the part. I try to look like I am carefree once again. I may be able to look the part but don’t ask me who is playing on the jukebox.

I am fighting an inner battle to fit in and I’m just not sure if it’s possible. When you said that you couldn’t relate I thought that it was ridiculous. I thought for sure you must be able to take something from what I write. Even though it is mostly based on my life, you should still be able to see a common thread that relates to your own. The trouble is, now that I am working with people your age and surrounded by people your age, I am realizing that it may not be that easy.

I walk around doing my job and I feel like a ninety year old woman wearing skinny jeans. Awkward sight that would be! I try to join in conversations but I am just not well versed in getting hammered and sleeping till four o’clock in the afternoon. I was once, but not any more. I watch as they bust there hump to make money and then laugh inside when they finish a shift and sit at the bar for the next four hours and spend what they just made. I do remember those days but they are long past.

I think back on when I was your age Tom, and I did have a lot of fun. To which you should be doing as well. I didn’t necessarily have a plan in mind or a road map of where I would be today. I was winging it! I hope that you are enjoying winging it also. This is probably the only time in your life that winging it is acceptable.

It’s sad how quickly this time passes. Before I knew it I had met Brian and things became more complicated. Sure we were still living life but now there was two of us. As soon as a woman gets into a serious relationship it turns to marriage. And once you go down that road babies are on the way shortly after…. at least in my mind.

I counted down to each of these milestones in my life. I pushed and raced for them. As soon as Brian and I had been together a year I was thinking future. I was rushing my youth from that point on. Now I am trying to hold onto it for dear life.

It ended up taking Brian and I eight years before we were engaged and married. He had the right idea to enjoy everything and take your time. I was in a hurry. To this day he is still a “La ti da” kind of guy. It will happen when it happens for him. There isn’t a sense of urgency for the most part and he just cruises along at the same pace.

I envy that sometimes. I feel like I have rushed through so much that I am now trying to look back and play catch up. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Maybe there is something to be learned here. While you may not necessarily relate to me yet, possibly I can learn from you. And who knows, in ten years maybe you will relate to all of this.

I know you are a hard worker and responsible. I don’t want to make it sound like you are up all night drinking and sleep all day. What I am really getting at is that you still have your youth. You aren’t really rushing for the wife and kids. At least you don’t seem to be. You seem to be taking things one step at a time and trying to enjoy life as it comes. I commend you for that.

That used to be my mentality many moons ago. Now it is filled with taking care of kids, paying bills, making money, work, work and more work. I rushed for all of this and now I have it.

I do hope someday, that if you want to, you would settle down and have a family of your own. I would hope that then you could relate a little better. I wake up each morning and look in the faces of my babies and cherish every second. Do I miss being young and carefree? Of course, but I have traded it in for a minivan littered with children’s books and cheerios. Most days I find it to be completely fulfilling. Every now and then I daydream back to an easier time.

Keep being young as long as you can. Once you jump out of the boat, it is so hard to get back in. I probably wont ever feel completely comfortable at my new job. I will just keep searching for the common thread that I may share with these people and I will go from there.

Thanks for reading!

Love, Cherise