Fortune Telling Pencils? Huh?

Dear Ladies,

All my life I have fought the person that told me I could not. I have argued the reason that could not be argued. I have made sure that no one would ever tell me “no”. In fact, the easiest way to get me to do almost anything is to tell me that I can’t. That’s right, taunt me with the words that I am no longer able or the words that I am not qualified and I will change your world…. Because this girl defies all odds!!!

Back this story up about two months ago. I was on the path of happiness with my family of four. We may have outgrown our house before we ever moved in but we knew that the four of us were a team and that four was the size we would be.

It has been four years since our last was born. Jacob, my ray of sunshine, who just turned four was our agreed last child. We were blessed with a gorgeous girl and then the most perfect little boy so why continue for more. This shop is closed!

For years that is what I believed in my heart. This shop is closed! I have it all! I have one of each and life is as perfect as it is going to get but, there was always the clause in the back of our minds that if we had endless money we would have endless kids. Who were we kidding?… we will never have endless money so… The shop is closed!

Two months ago, I attend a party at which there is this game played with a needle and a pencil. I hate this stuff because it’s like the ouija boards. It’s creepy and you want to believe but it is always skeptical and I almost never buy into this stuff. The magic pencil tells us all how many children we will have and it is so smart that it tells the sex. This damn pencil knows it all and I watch as it is correct on lady after lady.

To answer your questions, I know it is correct because it was done on some women that were more mature in age if you will, and were done having children. The damn pencil was correct for them as well as every other female in the room. It was enough to creep me out and to test it on my own. To which I have several times and always the same outcome.

So for myself, the damn pencil reveled a girl, a boy and then no more children. Yup, that’s the plan. The damn pencil is right! That is exactly what we planned on. Amazing that this stupid pencil and needle can say what we had already planned and knew.

Wait…. did a pencil just say I couldn’t have any more kids?

Now this is where the problem lies. I have done this stupid test over and over again and every time it is the same. I have a girl and then a boy and then done. And I was done! I mean I am done! Like done, done! I gave away every bit of baby anything I could possibly have. I’m done!

But how dare a pencil tell me that I can’t have another. I may be done, but if I wanted another I could, right?

Suddenly this fucking pencil is in my face saying you can’t and as you read in the beginning… no one or nothing tells me that I can’t!

Damn it! So now I’m fighting a pencil… Do I even want another baby? Well first off we don’t even have room for a baby so the idea is down right stupid. Second off, we don’t have room for another baby so the idea is ridiculous. Third, fourth, fifth and sixth off, we just don’t have the space, the money or the time for another baby. Love is about all we have to offer and that would come as a consolation prize to food, shelter and the other necessities that we really don’t have enough of.

Why am I even considering the thought of this anyway when two months ago my shop was closed permanently? There wasn’t a doubt. Even the pencil knew that I had my girl, my boy and done! No doubt….. Until now. Damn you pencil!

I can’t do another baby, I wasn’t even good at it with the two that I have. I suck at being pregnant and I struggle daily at being a good mom. I barely have it figured out after seven years and two months ago this shop was closed. Damn you pencil!

Damn you pencil for making me even question if I should have another only because you say that I can not. Before you ever twisted over my wrist my mind was set and clear and now I feel the need to prove you wrong, because that is what I do. Prove the negative nacny’s wrong!

I still don’t plan on having more kids, although I don’t appreciate that this damn pencil has made me question myself so much. I am done and sure about it, so the only other way that I can prove the pencil wrong is to find someone that it doesn’t work on. Hmmmm…….

I know its a little bit nuts but if I ask to dangle a pencil over your wrist, let me. Let me try to prove a pencil wrong so that I can sleep easy with my two kids and know that my shop is closed. Let me feel peace that this pencil is silly and it doesn’t work and let me find fault in the myth. Let me find fault in it as I dangle it over your wrist because right now, it’s prediction for me, may or may not be correct!

Ha Ha Ha, it is correct…. I’m pretty sure!

Love,

Cherise

 

It Takes Two

Dear Ladies,

So often I am asked for advice about love and marriage. I think that people are amazed that I have managed to stay together with Brian for sixteen years. We are about to hit our eight year wedding anniversary but we have so much history that begins far before eight years ago. I look at my relationship with Brian and I see it as always evolving. I don’t think that I’d ever say that it is perfect, because we both know that we are imperfect partners that make a perfect match.

We struggle all the time with all of the same things that everyone in this world faces. We fight over money, politics, love, tv shows, food, sports…. the list is endless. As much as we disagree though, we always agree on at least one thing. We are each other’s perfect match.

I guess the question that I am asked the most is, How did I know it was Brian, that I was meant to be with? Well ladies, I have bad news. There isn’t a letter that comes in the mail or a opening in the clouds with messages from above that will guarantee that you are in the perfect relationship. In fact, there will be many signs that will make you want to run the other way. Love is tough, so even when you think you got it right, sometimes you don’t.

For me, looking back, I do feel like I “just knew” that Brian was the one. I feel like I wouldn’t remember what he was wearing the day that I met him otherwise. I feel like I wouldn’t be with him today if he wasn’t. I just knew in my heart that he was worth the work to find out.

That’s right, love is work. It is hard work and it makes you want to give up sometimes. If it is worth it, there is no giving up and there is no turning back.

I listened to three women at the bar a few weeks ago. They complained about the men that were available. They went on and on about the men that just couldn’t be the right one for them. The vowed that they couldn’t give another man the time of day unless he could prove his undying love right off the bat. They wanted to be treated like the queens that they were and they demanded someone prince worthy.

Newsflash! We live in the year 2013 and we live in the United States, not in Cinderella’s castle. Every woman would like to be a queen. I would like to be a queen, but I’m not. Let’s leave that to Kate Middleton someday.

Here’s the thing that I think a lot of new couples miss. They all want to go through this honeymoon faze forever. Sadly, that is not how it works. As you get to know each other more, you are no longer feeling like the most important person on the planet. The reason for that is, that you are not the most important person on the planet. It is all a lure. It is a good lure too.

Brian and I made each other feel like we were the most special person in the world at first. And then we got real. We had to actually learn about each other instead of living in a fairy tale. Brian doesn’t open car doors for me every time anymore, but he still holds my hand in public. He doesn’t always remember to introduce me to people that I’ve never met, but when he does he always says “This is my lovely wife” or something sweet like that. Brian doesn’t always come home with flowers for me, but every so often he has a bottle of wine.

We have long since moved beyond our honeymoon faze but I promise you this. We are more in love today than we were when we first met.

Another thing that made me sad as I listened to these women gripe, was that they felt like he should serve them. Don’t take this wrong because I want to be served and catered to as well…. but, so does my husband. Honestly, who doesn’t?

Who wouldn’t want someone to bow down to their every needs? Everyone wants to be placed on a pedestal and worshiped, men and women. Trust me, it has taken me a long time to figure this out, but it is not all about what I want in a relationship. I could easily make a list of things that I demand out of love, but so could Brian. The really great relationships are the ones that can take those demands and compromise on as many as possible.

I know the little things that make Brian happy. It makes me feel amazing to do something for Brian because it makes him happy. I don’t expect something in return and neither does he. We do things for each other because we love each other. It sounds so simple but it is so foreign to young people today. It seems like it is the “what’s in it for me” generation of daters that just can’t find a match. Maybe that is why.

I don’t go through the day thinking about how Brian can make me happy. I go through the day thinking about how I can make him happy. The magic happens when both of you are thinking the same. When you are so selfless that you can give everything to your partner, you will really get something in return.

My best advice is that love doesn’t happen overnight and if it seems like a fairy tale, it is not. There just isn’t anything out there that is worth anything, that you don’t have to work for. Love is just like anything else. You have to put in time and a whole lot of effort if you want to see any kind of a return.

It is easy to try and rush through a relationship. Meet, ¬†get married, have kids and live happily ever after. It just doesn’t work like that. It took me sixteen years to figure most of this out. It has taken us sixteen years to become as happy as we are. I am proud of our life together because I know that we have both worked hard to make it what it is today. It isn’t one sided and it never will be. It take two!

Love, Cherise